Pour your hearts out...
Ed's Amazing Deaths
(63 posts) (34 voices)-
Ray Peacock
AdministratorPosted 1 year ago # -
tommyp
Memberhttp://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1998-01.html
if not amazing, there must be some mileage with the wording
Posted 1 year ago # -
Abbosh
MemberMy great uncle was in the army in Japan just after WW2 (In the 50's) He was part of a section of the US and Allied occupation of post-war Japan that oversaw the Japanese film industry and censored it's themes and content. He was stationed at a studio owned by Toho co. that were producing what would be the first Godzilla film (Or in Japan, Gojira) Despite the strict and professional military presence he was supposed to be maintaining there at the time, he took a deep interest in the films' production.
One day he invited his friend (His japanese taxi driver, Mr. Furokansei) to witness the film in production - as Mr. Furikansei always wished to work with film. On entering the set, my uncle decided to play a trick on him (Being good mates and all) and got one of the stunt men to dress up in the Godzilla suit and hide underneath the trapdoor beneath the miniature model city. After a quick tour around the studio, my uncle brought Mr. Furokansei to the miniature model city and to Mr. Furokansei's palpable horror and my uncle's initial amusement, Godzilla leapt from beneath the tiny city shocking Mr. Furokansei so much that he leapt for the Godzilla suit, tumbled over the costume and landed with one of his ribs impaled on a particularly spiky building.
My uncle and the now wounded Mr. Furokansei rushed to hospital to get help quickly. After a small operation to remove the miniature tower spike, he was well on his way to recovery. The next day, my uncle and a few of the studio managers visited him in hospital to see how he was getting on. As a joke (Thinking they could laugh the whole thing off now) my uncle dressed up in the Godzilla costume and, not in any particularly threatening way, sauntered down the corridor to greet Mr. Furokansei - who was half way through eating a bowl of rice... Looking up from his small bowl of rice; he gazed at the monster in total shock, forcing him to inhale the scoop of rice and as this furthered his shock, he fell off the bed hitting his head on the bedside table and swallowing his tongue.
The result; a long winded inevitable death.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Abbosh
MemberAnd an AMAZING ONE TOO!
Posted 1 year ago # -
Ray Peacock
AdministratorOh Christ I was really optimistic that this section wouldn't run...
Posted 1 year ago # -
DylanfromMerika
MemberAll right.
Amazing Death #1: My great-grandfather committed suicide because he got screwed in a deal selling some wood.
Amazing Death #2: A guy at my late grandmother's old-folks' home fell down some stairs, laid on the landing for a while, started to get up, and fell down some more stairs, laid on the landing, tried to get up, and fell down a third flight. The end.
Posted 1 year ago # -
JimSterling
MemberMy nan just died of Alzheimer's. But I got a 1000 quid out of it and got an Xbox, so it's alright.
Posted 1 year ago # -
KAG
MemberSorry for laughing at your families deaths...
Here you can laugh at my Great-Grandad, the silly bugger was drunk and fell in the river the mersey. They never found his body.Posted 1 year ago # -
BlackCat
MemberJust watched the Bud Dwyer video on your hearty recommendation. My worst bit was when Bud was sat there with his head all gushing like some rubbish water feature. 3 stars some funny bits.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Abbosh
Member@ KAG - Doesn't that make it an Amazing disappearance? No offence intended to your dead great-grandad!
Posted 1 year ago # -
nood
MemberMy great Uncle Jim Smith of the Smiths (not the band) was walking his dog down New Road when suddenly he realised he'd accidentally swapped his dog for an alligator while at Chester Zoo that day and as soon as he realised it was not a dog but a big thing with massive teeth and that got run over by a bus. Ironically it was the number 43 which is the bus he'd have got to town if he didn't have such a big dog.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Berzerk
MemberUnusual deaths can also be amazing, right? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unusual_deaths
Posted 1 year ago # -
KAG
Member -
Ed Gamble
AdministratorAll these are brilliant and tinged with genuine pathos. Apart from the alligator one - that was ridiculous.
Keep them coming (the stories, not the family deaths. Although for more stories, there will have to be more deaths. I'm just saying.)
Posted 1 year ago # -
Ryan_ONeill
Membermy great uncle shot my great auntie in the face with a gun. Not even kidding. He got off with it as well. It happened in the 70s. Hardly anyone in the family talks about it.
Posted 1 year ago # -
cochise
MemberI don't know if they have it over in the UK, but here in the US there is a television show called 1000 ways to die. Here is a link to watch some of the clips:
http://www.spike.com/show/27237?tabId=39468&fxn=getTabMembers
The premise of the show is they find amazing but true deaths, they then film a horrible re-enactment of the death, then sum it all up with a shitty pun. For example, there is one of a woman who dies while masturbating with a carrot; they show a five minute clip of how it happened, then a graphic flashes on the screen that said "Death #185: Killdo."
My best ones are of a man who was putting firing works down a pipe to make them louder, and when they didn't go off in a timely fashion he looked in and got his face blown off like a real-life Elmer Fudd. And there is one of a man who dies from trying to fuck a cow heart hooked up to a car battery.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Abbosh
MemberRyan_ONeill - I love you for sharing this!
Posted 1 year ago # -
Tim
MemberMy great great grandfather was attacked by a mole and later died from his mole related injuries. That is a fact.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Ray Peacock
AdministratorWell done - we have just recorded and this stupid section made a comeback with some of your comments on it. Encouraging Ed is not the way forward.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Ed Gamble
AdministratorCheers guys - got a really good section out of your family misery. I may have invented some stuff to help the stories sparkle. Keep them coming!
Posted 1 year ago # -
A Predator
MemberMy mum told me that my great uncle died when he was trying to write a novel, got so frustrated with writers block that he started to eat the paper and choked to death on it, would have been better if he got ink poisoning off it and died of that but oh well.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Ryan_ONeill
Membermy uncle died from liver failure at 45. You know what they said actually did him in in the end?
Beer.
Posted 1 year ago # -
nood
Member -
Ray Peacock
AdministratorOnly because the other one was showing no sign of doing it...
Posted 1 year ago # -
SamD
Memberhttp://www.practicalfishkeeping.co.uk/content.php?sid=2778
It is amazing, but it sounds a bit FISHY to me. Get it or not?
Posted 1 year ago # -
robwebster
MemberMy dog is a right fluffy one (he's a pomeranian) and he got all alopecia when he got struck with a serious illness. His hair grew back, but a lot of it grew back black, so now he's got multicoloured hair like James Caan off of Dragon's Den.
I quite like that he cheated death, but we will never have a completely orange dog again, which is kind of like a small death. (He also doesn't run very fast any more 'cause he had to have his bollocks lopped off. (Illness-related.))
Sorry that this is a metaphorical death, but the original one I posted was much, much darker and I felt bad about trivialising it - so I decided to edit it to something a lot more fun. It is a bit amazing that he changed colour, though, and he is not even a chameleon (or any kind of lizard for that matter). I like to think that he WAS fated to die, but he tricked death by growing his hair back all black, so that the grim reaper would think that he was a completely different dog. However he is probably too stupid for this to actually be the case.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Bitsy
Member@ A Predator, It would have been better if he stuffed an octopus up his fanny and gotten ink poisoning from that.
Posted 1 year ago # -
OliverRaptorRushton
Membermy grandad beat my mum when she was young, my nannie left him, so he jumped in front of a train.
Posted 1 year ago # -
OllieFool
MemberThis isn't so much a death as an amazing pseudo-death threat. On my great aunt's 90th birthday, my grandparents sent her a bunch of flowers saying "To Dear Elanor" but misspelled it "To Dead Elanor".
Posted 1 year ago # -
Waldemar Kanakenberg
MemberBeatnik poet William Burroughs shot his wife in the face (she died) when playing William Tell and got away with it, just like Ryan O'Neills uncle (see above). This seems to be a common method...
Posted 1 year ago #
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